is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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