tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
