I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
