It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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