we're blogging at a bar
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
