they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
