i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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