what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
