I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize