Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize