I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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