My nipple is on Facebook.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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