Can i not drive my cunt home
He is an equal opportunity slut.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
