Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
