she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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