i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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