I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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