and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
