seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The air was thick with penises
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
