And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
