Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
