I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
