Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
