Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
