she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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