ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
