Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
