How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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