u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
