I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
