I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
