I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
