Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
