remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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