I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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