Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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