a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
