Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
