he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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