Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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