Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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