I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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