I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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