my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
