so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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