One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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