oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
