Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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