now i know why i became what i already was.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am full of burrito and curiosity
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
