I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
