What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
