I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
