You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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