Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
