I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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