I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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