I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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