I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
