I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize