My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Idk if I want to put a bra on
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
