I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize