In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
