You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
