everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
