Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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