saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize