She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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