i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
