i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
