New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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