from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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