thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
