ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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