Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
