Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
