I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
