Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so let's talk penis.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
