We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
honey bunches of taint.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
