My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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