We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
