Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
