You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
