evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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