the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
this hospital has no fireball
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
