So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
