brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
