Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They took my balls.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
