Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
