When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
