Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you had me at cake vodka
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
