I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
