I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
