white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
