i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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