Me too!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
