Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
