I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She's the barista slut.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
