I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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