I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
