i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We left the knife in your bed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
