I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
