At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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