God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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