hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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